contemplating happens as a direct result of boredom.

There's something so unequivocally moving to me about the sight of our closest star at the the edge of the Earth that quiets my soul. Of late however, I've found my conciousness relies rather on its absence. So it is no wonder that I've not seen much of the light of day at all for at least two weeks now, and I'm not sure if this makes me a lunatic. What I do know, in any case, is that a statement declaring my sanity is not entirely plausible. I would be highly concerned for anyone having vivid dreams of conversations with people, and then actually experiencing them the very next day (well, night...for the people of a noctournal nature!). Every night I tend to feel a little more lost...like I'm missing something, a part of me? I don't know really. If someone could help me out here, I'm sure - to you I'd be much obliged. I've always been the kind to do something on a whim, but most recently there's been nothing to do...and maybe that's cramping my style a little bit..? I find myself on the beach time and time again in the morning, just watching the sunrise while the people I've ventured with play in the water, and take no notice. I don't know what it is about it that leaves me in such awe. It's patient. Gentle, sincere. I have not seen those qualities often. Here, I'm not even describing a person, and I know that it's sad. I feel something I can't express with words of either analogy or example while I sit alone and witness the sun's last moments of contact with the Earth. Maybe it's that I wish I had someone to share it with. Is there anyone who could watch as well, without the need for words and yet feel and know and understand what I am feeling? I wish someone would try it at least, haha. I just love watching the stars fade into the sky, and wonder where they're going. I mean, technically they are still there...and in the same location; the same distance in relation to each other. The only factors between us and the stars is at the fault of oxygen and nitrogen that diffuse the blue hue wavelength reflected up to ten times more from the ocean to condensation nuclei in the atmosphere and back down again to Earth, aka the illusion of a dome of color, the sky...plus light pollution and what have you, but really..enough technicalities already. I want to wonder, so let me do it. I always get the 'technical answer' response, and get preached at about what makes the most sense...what's the most reasonable and responsible thing to do in the world. Well fuck that! Tell me, would you not rather be free and find your own way? I live for it. I'd die for it, too. Let me know if this starts lacking any sense at all. Okay?