The difference between sleep, & insomnia.

There are two strange things that happen to me when I finally sleep. Random memories from my childhood that I never knew I remembered return to me in dreams. I hate them, because they're nightmares. If you ever wondered why I suffer from such severe insomnia, this is why I fail to sleep. And whenI do finally, in my exhaustion manage to pass out, my mind does not. My mind never does. My dreams are wild and untamed windows into some of my most dreaded moments. In a subconscienceness my mind is unguarded against the horrible truths and painful scars that haunt me. That I've tried so hard to suppress. Against confessions I never thought I'd admit. Memories of these are in perfect focus and clear as crystal, just when I thought that I had erased them completely, at the very least made them fuzzy and staticky like a bad reception. Enough so that I wouldn't recognize a vision even if something triggered it. I'm deathly afriad to sleep in the night. I almost never do. I am only inclined in the slightest to sleep at all when I see evidence of a sunrise on my closet doors. Perhaps it has something to do with things that happened to me in the night when I was small. I try so hard to forget; it is to no avail. Your mind can run away with you if you're not watching. That's what I attempt to do, I try to watch over myself. Keep myself from remembering, because no one else can help me. No one can save me. In my dreams, I am very much alone.

The second peculiar occurrance is that I can see into the future. Odd, this I know, and I also know that you may be skeptical. At first I thought I was going crazy. Completely insane. Almost every day I am struck with a feeling of deja vous. I dream them first and think wow, that was a totally random thing to conjure up and then sooner or later they actually happen. And I'll just know, something will trigger it. It could be a smell or a place, a flash of light, pain even. And I'll just know what people will say next. What someone will do, what will happen - because I've been there before. I don't know why, it doesn't seem to have a purpose. As of yet they are just entire moments of randomness. Their cause is floating around in space somewhere. But there must be some point to it all. Why would I be given such useless information? I don't know. I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposd to do with it. A forward glimpse into people's actions and reactions. Sounds crazy.





A look into the tangled web of Marie's brain. I thank you most graciously for reading.